Reality television star Brandi Glanville recounts the painful cheating scandal between her former husband, actor Eddie Cibrian, and LeAnn Rimes in a new, first-person essay she penned for the Sun.

Rimes and Cibrian have been married since 2011, but their relationship started as an affair while they were shooting the Lifetime movie Northern Lights together in 2008. Both were married at the time. Their romantic relationship became very public knowledge after photos of the two of them kissing surfaced in the press, ultimately ending Rimes' marriage to Dean Sheremet and Cibrian's marriage to Glanville.

In her essay, Glanville recounts the shame and horror she felt at learning of her husband's affair through seeing pictures of him kissing another woman in US Weekly magazine.

"It was devastating. I went straight home, passed out in my closet, cried and cried," she remembers. "He tried to convince me it wasn't real but I knew it was over. They were sucking on each other's fingers in the footage yet he was telling me nothing was happening. It was insane."

Glanville goes on to say that despite the fact that Cibrian told her he wanted to end his relationship with Rimes and work on their marriage, he continued to pursue the affair behind her back, even while they were in couple's counseling together.

"I was broken. If I didn't have to take care of my kids, I probably wouldn't be here now," she admits. "...I couldn't turn on the TV without seeing something about them. LeAnn had taken over my life and I didn't have a voice anymore."

But Glanville says that one of the most difficult moments of all was watching Rimes interact with the two sons she shared with Cibrian, Mason Edward and Jake Austin. "She'd got my husband and she was NOT getting my children," Glanville remembers thinking at the time.

"One time, before they were married, I walked up to a soccer game and Jake, who was two, was sitting in her lap. I had this rage in my body. I really wanted to kill her," Glanville details. "I walked over to her, grabbed Jake and I looked at her and said: 'I will f---ing murder you.'"

Glanville admits that she "didn't cope well" with the cheating scandal and the divorce that ensued, adding that she used drinking as a "crutch" and that her desire to get revenge on Cibrian was "eating away at me," keeping her from moving on. Things got better as she started dating again: "I realized I didn't know myself when I was married," she says.

These days, not only has Glanville come to a truce with Rimes, but she says she "love[s]" the singer. "She's great and we all hang out together. I've forgiven her. We're going to be around each other forever because of the kids, so why not make the best of it?" she reasons, adding that the dynamic of her blended family has some unexpected benefits.

"Eddie and I still squabble, but it's like the three of us are doing the parenting — it's nice to have a third person and she's usually on my side," Glanville adds. "But I will always have my trust issues because of what happened."

For her part, Rimes has opened up about the balancing act of maintaining a blended family in the past. She previously told People that "you have to consider everyone's feelings and you have to allow people to have them and you can't take them personally," also saying that it's "easier said than done, but at least we shoot for that."

The singer also shared her battle with depression and anxiety with her fans, detailing that her long experience with depression had taken a toll on her marriage to Cibrian, and even caused her to undergo a 30-day stay in a mental health facility in 2012.

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