Stupid News: Here's Dumbest Chicken Car Chase Ever

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This story is from 2016, but it's National Chicken Wing Day, so here's my favorite buffalo wing story of all time.

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Thank you, Smoking Gun, for bringing The Case of the Akron Ohio Chicken Wing Chase to light. It’s the story that brings together a young woman, her dreams of being a world famous Formula One racer, and her love of BBQ chicken wings.

As with so many stories involving a dough-head, this one starts in a bar. 57-year-old Judith wanted to see her Cleveland Browns, so she stopped by her favorite sports bar, grabbed a seat, and her teams pathetic performance drover her to drink. And drink. And drink. All that drinking did NOT stop her from driving tho, and that’s where the story takes a dangerous turn.

Click to see if Rochester Prefer Blue Cheese or Ranch for Their Wings?

Drunk, Judith left the bar, drove a bit and hit a car. As Judith was making good her getaway, the driver called 911, and a cop tried to pull her over. But she. Wouldn’t. Stop. They ended up going through neighborhoods in a slow-speed chase.

cappi thompson

Ms Judith ended up in a cul-de-sac and that was her undoing. With nowhere to go, she got out of the car and the police were sure she’d been injured. As they got close and took Judith into custody, they saw something brown around her mouth…maybe it was blood!

Nope. BBQ sauce…from the chicken wings she got to go from the bar! She’d been eating the wings as she led cops around the city!

That bugs me more than you can imagine. But not for the reason you may think. Certainly, drinking and driving is awful. Adding a major distraction like eating compounds the awfulness.

Buffalo with no wings. mj0007

But I can’t get the image of the germ invasion out of my head. Her hands first on the wheel (chock full o’bacteria), then they grab a wing, she handles the wing, she om nom noms it all up, probably licks her fingers, puts her hands back on the wheel to make an evasive move, then she reaches for another wing!

BBQ sauce everywhere! Disgusting steering wheel bacteria everywhere…especially in her mouth! I just can't take it.

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I bet you won't find wings on this list...