What Your Facebook Birthday Message Really Means

(From The Rooster)

1. Happy Birthday! = I feel obligated to wish you a happy birthday, or we’re talking on Gchat right now, and this is just a formality.

2. HBD! = I don’t really care about your birthday, but I do think something bad will happen to me if I don’t wish everyone a Happy Birthday on Facebook, and so I’m just trying to get in and out as fast as possible.

3. Happy Birthday, [your name]! = I feel bad about just saying “Happy Birthday!” but I can’t think of anything else to say to you.

4. Happy B-day! = I feel bad just saying “Happy Birthday!”, so I’m hoping you think that putting “b-day” instead of birthday means that I put some personality into this.

5. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! = I straight up forgot all about you until Facebook told me today was your birthday. But I am so glad to remember that you are still alive!

6. Happy Birthday! Here is a list of everything I know about you! = I am your best friend. Me. No one else. So I am leaving a list of our most personal and embarrassing stories as a warning to others who might try to take you from me.

7. Happy Birthday, yo. = We slept together at one point, and it’s still weird.